Football season is rapidly approaching and thus approaches with it, Fantasy Football. And thus approaches with that, a blog about the skinnyCorp fantasy football league that can only be interesting to those involved. And it’s probably not even that interesting to us. In spite of all this, and because it’s my maiden voyage on the Fantasy bandwagon, I’ve prepared this rundown of the teams just to get it off of my mind and on the screen. I have also tried to make it interesting enough for non-football fans alike. We’ll see how that goes.

There are 12 teams vying for the skinnyCorp title. Here there are, beginning with the best one by far.


Ball Snatchers USA, managed by Robert Nanna. Originally named Ricardo Montalban’s Fantasy Football Island. I wanted to imagine Ricardo himself on the sidelines of every game, swaggering about. He wouldn’t yell at refs about bad calls. He’d gently try and persuade them into changing their minds. He’d forego the team colors in favor of a sleek white suit. And of course, my offensive coordinator would be Mr. DePlane himself, Tattoo. However, the name contained too many characters… So I went with the suggestive Ball Snatchers moniker after hearing some of the other reprehensible team names. I added USA to up the ball snatching patriotism factor.

This year, people will be cheering the ball snatching talents of Oakland’s Lamont Jordan and Miami’s Ronnie Brown. People will chant B!S!USA! everytime Jake Delhomme throws a touchdown pass to Reggie Wayne. And when Ryan Longwell kicks the winning field goal, the crowd will be a massive flutter of miniature BSUSA pennants, given away free with admission.

My drafting skills must have sucked. Not only did I end up with a tight end who will be out for 6 weeks due to a knee injury, but I’m predicted to lose my first matchup. And my opponent didn’t even bother to show up for the draft. He let the computer do the work.


Mother Hugging Heathens, managed by Jake Hicks. My opponent the first week. He let the computer auto pick his entire team, and as mentioned before, he’s predicted to beat me the first week. Hide your mothers when Corey Dillon and Warrick Dunn take the field. And QB Derrick Carr will be leading the heathens toward victory each week. Except for the first of course.


Lethal Measurables, managed by Mike Halgas. Named after a very odd headline from a fantasy draft magazine, the team boasts big shot Peyton Manning and the only defense to give a hoot about, the Chicago Bears. Willie Parker and Deuce McAllister head the lethal charge upfield so get out your rulers.


The Lone Stranger, managed by Pete Woods. Coming atcha from LA, Pete comes cross country with a real powerhouse of strangers. Motorcycling maniac Ben Roethlisberger is at the helm and we all hope that he decides to wear a helmet. LaDanian Tomlinson & DeShaun Foster head his playfully-first-named running offense. He also nabbed Marvin Harrison as one of his receivers. Was he cheating?


Lita Ford Porno Van, managed by Dan Chafin. Kiss me once, kiss me twice, come on Tom Brady, kiss me deadly. Behind the wheel will be the running back two punch of Brian Westbrook and Reuben Droughns. The porn will also be handed out by Chicago’s Muhsin Muhammad, playfully nicknamed “stone hands” here in Chicago.


Sweet Thunder, managed by Katie Ford. First pick in the draft yields big shot Shaun Alexander. Lucky. At the QB, position, Donovan McNabb will be electrifying the field. Let’s hope WR Terry Holt’s bruised sternum doesn’t hamper the conductivity.


Most Explosive Ends, managed by Lance Curran. Also named after an odd headline from a fantasy magazine. Trent Green, Edgerrin James, and Tatum Bell better be exploding all over the field because there aren’t many available backups in his roster. Substance abuser Koren Robinson and injured RB Curtis Martin are both on the MEE bench and unable to play. Also he has to hope Mike Vanderjagt won’t do any more choking when the game is on the line.


The Winds of Shit, managed by Jef Kaplan. Named after Trailer Park Boys, you could perhaps substitute “hype” for “shit,” given that unproven Reggie Bush has a nice home there. Hopefully Matt Hasselbeck and Rudi Johnson won’t be too shitty, either!


Heavy Hitters, managed by Charles Festa. Nabbed Larry Johnson! But will the top projected draft pick deliver for him? We’ll see. Drew Bledsoe leads the hitters, and if Hines Ward can get his hamstring in perfect running order, we may have a contender here.


The Shitty Beatles, managed by Craig Shimala. Not so shitty there, Craig. Carson Palmer and his new tendon looked pretty swell the other night against the Packers. Tiki Barber and Willie McGahee lead the running game.


Sassy Jockstraps, managed by Brianne Liss. Donning the sassy protective wear for Brianne will be hot shot QB Eli Manning. But yikes, her RB, Steven Jackson might end up getting cut from the Vikings final roster… and all for not looking sassy enough in the strap.

And lastly…


Tom Selleck Chest Hair, managed by our commissioner, Ross Zietz. Lotsa moves being made pre-season in the depths of the chest. Ben Troupe and Ladell Betts have already left the chest area and I guess are heading toward the ample stash? Two big name QBs in Daunte Culpepper & Michael Vick will be battling it out for the starting position. We hope for a nice full thick offense for the commish.

…
And there you have it! I’ll post the winners & losers every week, but as for in-depth analysis and smack talk… well, we’ll leave that for the office.

bob, i love how your description is like 3 paragraphs long and everyone else's is just a few sentences... unfair advantage!!!!!!!!

Perhaps I'm just baiting everyone to come to the blog to tell their sides of the story! I'm sure everyone wants to know the ideas behind the Mother Raping Heathens and of course, Tom Selleck's Chest Hair. I do!

I have no idea what I'm doing but I hope I just fixed my trouble spots. We'll see who chokes now!

Very nice - best regards

nice comments section!

hey which site/software do you guys use for your fantasy league?

Good one.

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thought you nutties might enjoy this:

http://www.youtube.com/user/fantasyhumor

best,
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this is very not cool freks and geeks

so whats going on at the comp frat house, party on with this and that

why ois this keep comming back again and again like a nut hanging on a wood chip

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古代ローマの詩人オウィディウスが紀元前3年頃に著した『愛の技術 (Ars Amatoria)』を始め、ヴァーツヤーヤナが著したとされるインドにおける性の教典である『カーマ・スートラ』、16世紀のアラビアにおいてマホメッド・エル・ネフザウィが著した『匂える園』等、古来から性的行為のマニュアルは多数存在する。
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立川 風俗
しかしながら、これらはいずれも、経験的に蓄積された性の技術知識の雑然とした集積であり、また文学でもあった。当然、科学的または医学的研究の主題として「性」を扱ったものではなかった。
千葉 風俗
鶯谷 風俗
品川 風俗

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